""But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you." Luke 6:27-28
Forgiveness is a big word. It's a word thrown around a lot in the church, in peace building, in relationships, in life in general... But boy is it complicated.
I have learned a lot about forgiveness in the last two years in Colombia, and I want to share two stories about forgiveness that have greatly impacted me personally. The first is the story that inspires me to forgive and reminds me of the importance; the second is how I am actively trying to put it into practice.
First is the story of a friend from one of the communities in which I had the opportunity to spend a lot of time. The community was displaced by paramilitary members 15 years ago. Obviously the experience was horrific and left the community with trauma, homeless, blamed as members of guerrilla groups, struggling in poverty to regain their land, homes, dignity, and rights. Through the official sentence that was given by the judge in front of this case, the community leaders had the opportunity to confront the people who ordered their displacement and put the community through this tragedy. However my friend, when facing the men who turned his life upside down and took away everything, told them that he forgave them. Bible in hand, he spoke of God's forgiveness and will for us to forgive. Not only was this something that must have been emotionally difficult, but it was also an incredibly brave act; his community could have turned against him for choosing forgiveness, but he was adamant that this was the right decision. Every time I hear him speak of how we need to forgive in order to move on and rebuild our communities, I get chills. Here is a man who has internalized God's love and forgiveness so much that he has been able to apply it to the people who hurt him and his entire community in a way that most people will never experience.
I had the opportunity to practice forgiveness as well, although in a very different situation. Until now, I have not been in too many challenging positions in my life in which it was difficult to forgive. I have not had many difficult relationships, it is easy for me to get along with most people and I put a lot of effort into my relationships when I feel like something is not right between the other person and myself.
In town I had the opportunity to really experience a challenging relationship. It began as an intimate friendship and work partnership but very quickly it became clear that this was a very complicated and jealous person. She began spreading rumors about me, ignoring me, and treating me very poorly to my face. I was distraught and really beat myself up about it. I recognize that I was doing somethings that she did not agree with, interacting with people she did not want me to interact with, and not always following her advice; I am sure that was very frustrating for her. However, I tried to always greet her with a smile and a hug, treat her with respect, consciously spend time with her and her family, and never once spread any of the rumors that came to me about her.
One day, when I was really upset about some of the things she was saying about me, my friend sat me down and basically told me to get over it. He was completely right. She was not going to change; I was not going to follow all of her advice; our relationship was not going to change. However, I wanted to remain committed to showing her love. I consciously gave myself the challenge of not letting her words and actions get to me while at the same time not changing my attitude towards her. I cannot control her actions or attitude, but I can control my own and I want mine to be ones of love. It is the first time that I have really had to put into practice Jesus' words, "Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you."
Forgiveness is a huge part of this decision. I have to forgive her in order to truly continue loving her.
I use the present tense here because I am still in the process. I thought that I had forgiven her, but there are thoughts and memories that still pass through my head that make my stomach lurch with frustration, hurt, and anger... Apparently I am still working through it, but I am committed to getting there and I am grateful for the experience. It is something that I want to learn and a pain I want to go through in order to be able to love people better.
I think of my friend who found it in himself to forgive the people who displaced his community and I am inspired to be a forgiver as well. Like he says, forgiveness is the only way to move forward and build up our lives through love.
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